Our True Selves

Coming Home to our True Selves

Adapted by Mark Henderson Begg
Mark Bhaiya

(Based on Chapter 1 Shloka 2 of Patanjal’s Yog Darshanum

as expounded by Param Pujya Ma)

Param Pujya Ma has often told us that our mind can be our best friend – or our worst enemy. The mind has a habitual tendency to distraction, driving us to endless activity, competing with others in intense and anxious struggle, hungry to achieve, full of care and worry for ourselves, and those whom we claim as our own. In fact, we have programmed ourselves to live in misery and insecurity.

We are fragmented, torn in many different directions. We don’t know who we really are, or what aspects of ourselves we should identify with or believe in. So many contradictory voices, dictates, and feelings fight for control over our inner lives that we find ourselves scattered everywhere, leaving nobody at home.

Our task is to come back to ourselves, where we can really experience and taste our full being, beyond all habitual patterns. The habits of the mind have to change – from jealousy, grasping, greed and anxiety, reacting angrily to whatever provokes us – to the task of freeing itself from illusion, understanding it’s true nature, and realising the abiding peace and bliss of our real Self.

The unreal world of the mind

The chit or mind stuff is the abode of the conscious, unconscious, and the subconscious, where all the impressions that arise and emerge on account of our contact with the world are collected. These are our reactions and interpretations collected as deep impressions within us. They make our attitudes, our reactions, our motivating factors, and ultimately our goals in life. Identifying ourselves with the chit, we take the experiences as our own. When those impressions and reactions come inside, due to contact of sense organs with the objective world, we like or dislike them. This is what motivates us, either to escape or go in search of something. Thus our reactions awaken energies that lie in the body, which emerge whenever a situation arises. Thus we are living in the unreal world of our mind.

We do not realise we experience only impressions, deep imprints which are superimposed on us, automatically camouflaged. Experiences which are covered and hidden become our real power, the motivating factor towards our actions. Desires, actions and reactions lie hidden in the chit, becoming our hidden conceptions and beliefs, inhibiting complexes, suppressions, and likes and dislikes. At the same time, there are negative and positive attachments. All these together go to make our mental reactions (chit vritties).

These reactions inside have been tabulised by our previous impressions, which themselves think without our knowing it. They computerise our future actions, interpretations, and the future meanings we give to situations. They develop our attitudes, they are the force behind the words we utter; and become the thought energy which is converted into actions later on. They are the factors which give us moods and all sorts of behaviour patterns.

Why should we say we are that, and try to justify these thoughts that go out and are translated into words and actions and deeds tomorrow? Because they never reached our intellect. we never really decided about them. It is as if an external situation was put in the slot, which went into the machine, and automatically there was a reaction inside, and some deed was the result. Then we think we have done it.

These superimpositions have taken away our freedom to be able to judge for ourselves, to act in the way in which we would have done, if we had been living in reality. They have made us blind, and turned us into statues or mere robots. The mould becomes harder and harder because it is getting the cement of obedience and acceptance from our intellect.

Understanding the nature of the mind

Each person is what he emotionally is, and mindstuff is the basic emotion. We identify ourselves with every object and situation, everything within and without, and start thinking – “I am that”, “I am the all knowing factor.” The mind is gross, yet it starts acting as intellect. We think we are thinking but in reality we are not. We look at, and interpret the world, and this interpretation is based on something we already had in the mind – the impressions – because we are not free to think of the truths beyond experience.

The chit is made of experiences of the world as interpreted by impressions gathered in this, or in previous lives. At the same time there is an unseen intent, unseen destiny of former lives, which is a residue of the chit. That must reach a certain conclusion, and bring about circumstances in our lives which we never wanted.

Mind also brings light to our senses, and we think our sense organs have got the light. First it gets its light from the Self. Thus it is dependent on something else. It thinks – “I am the seer” and “I am the witness of all,” and “I am the one who enjoys everything.” A time must come in our life, if we really seek the truth, when we can see our mind from a distance.

A thing that can be seen is an object; it is not the ultimate Self, it is an object of perception which can be known. Mind is actually a mental vision of the world and the worldly, taking us towards the gross, making us see things, and bringing about attachment and egoistic tendencies of knowership, of doership, of thinking – “I am the body, I am the mind, and intellect,” of all the bondages and negative traits that come in our lives, and reasoning faculties that go haywire.

As Bhagwan Krishna says in the Gita – “you are the Soul (Atma), you are not the body, Arjun. Why are you attaching yourself to the body, and calling yourself a wise man?”

In order to abide in the Self, the mental reactions will have to be purified. When all superimpositions are gone, we abide in a pure state of awareness, which is not corrupted or influenced or superimposed by the chit vritties, or our primal ignorance. Freedom from superimpositions comes on realising we are not this mind, bringing impressions from outside.

How the world becomes meaningful

It was the “I know”, the intellect which came in between the Self and the world, the Self and the body unit. It identified itself so much with every thought that emerged after that, that it started saying “I am the knower”, “I am the knowledge”, “I am the controller”, “I am the doer”, “I interpret the world.” The world only becomes meaningful if ‘I’ give it a meaning. What this intellect does not realise is that the meaning we give to the world today is based on the reactions and impressions that we have collected, and that have gone inside. ‘I know’, should have been merely an awareness which does not come to the conscious level, where we change the situation to suit us, towards our likes and dislikes.

In the mind there is a memory also, which is veiled. This has a veiling and projecting capacity as its intrinsic trait. It interprets and then veils the interpretation and keeps it in the unconscious. It brings in the impressions from outside and keeps them inside. When we were children, we were more honest and saw things more objectively, until our parents and other people interpreted them for us. Children want to tell the truth until they want to become known as more intelligent than they are, and start living in an imaginary world.

Chit vritties carry messages, impressions from outside, and consciousness of the world outside is implanted within. All other implanted impressions colour whatever impression has come in, and develop an attitude. Those reactions modify, twist, change, and camouflage the thoughts inside, and take them out in a manner totally unrecognisable from the original impression.

Whatever mind wants, it covers, and when it comes out it is so camouflaged that others cannot recognise the truth. Mind brings out desire, anger, greed, ego, and attachment, all of which, when they come out are camouflaged in the mind itself, because those deep impressions about situations are lying there. Mind changes and twists the means of getting what it wants, binding us with name and form also. It tries to get some result or recognition which is reflected in our thoughts and our attitudes. Seeking recognition and self preservation is considered instinctive.

What we have to understand is that these thought processes which are taking place have become automatic. We are not really thinking or making decisions. Whatever the thoughts are, which we think are our conclusions, are not really so. The concepts, beliefs, opinions, and habit patterns, are automatically taking decisions on our behalf.

Even the interpretations and the meanings given to situations are pre-decisions. We did not consciously decide anything, the message never reached the intellect for a decision. What we had to say was automatic, without our conscious thought of it. Then we will not accept what we said as the truth, because it is based on complexes that we have inside.

This means that everything we see in the world is based on the mindstuff. The world becomes meaningless for us if it is silenced, because no impression comes in, and no contact is made. When the mind is not there, there is no term such as ‘attachment’ or ‘dislike’ or ‘anger’, there is no impression in us deep enough to propel us towards the achievement of a certain goal. There is no basic motivating factor, because it is chit which forms our motives.

When impressions are gone – the mind becomes our friend

In the first Chapter of Patanjal’s Yog Darshanum, yog is defined as the elimination of mental impressions or reactions “chit vriti nirodha“. This is the absolute ultimate that a seeker has to achieve. Yog consists of silence, control, and total freedom from the mind. If the thought or the thinking process that takes us out, which comes from the unconscious, is controlled and we have no outgoing thoughts as such, we will have spiritual freedom. We will live in the real world. Our thought energy and thought waves will stop indulging, and we will have restraint over the indulgences and mental aberrations that are caused by giving meaning to the knowledge that we get on account of our contact with the gross world.

When the mental reactions are gone, we live in the truth, aware of everything, knowing everything, but without any interpretation. There is no one seeking anything from a situation, thus there will be no likes and dislikes, no attachments. It is only when we feel a lack that we are unhappy. Then reality will be as it is, and we are ever joyful in bliss. ‘I,’ the primal ignorance, which separated us from the rest of the world, has no meaning.

When we have full restraint on our mental capabilities, when outside impressions do not enter, situations are as they are – the reality. There is no good and bad, rejectable or acceptable, likable or dislikable. We do not look at the experience from the point of view of our advantage.

When mindstuff is gone, we automatically go towards egolessness. It was attached to the world. When the same chit goes towards the Self, all our faculties give up their impressions of the world, and go towards the Truth.

Identification with the other

Mind stuff, constituted of experiences, is cleansed when it is no longer affected by the world. We are aware, we know what is happening, but we do not bring those impressions inside. Consciousness, when it comes in contact with matter, does not bring in impressions that matter to us as a personality, so we do everything which the situation requires, in the interest of others. We are not bothered about our own mind, body and intellect, which gave importance to the self. That importance was merely in relation to the world where we wanted to be recognised.

A person comes to us needing our assistance. The message is carried inside. Normally, we would consider whether he can be useful to us, but now we think how we can be useful to him. We are identified with the other person.

Faith in the Scriptures

For the knots that bind us and prevent us from seeing the truth to be loosened, we must accept with faith that what the Shastras tell us is true, even it we do not understand, or it is beyond our reasoning capacity and imagination. We are out to learn, to accept, and bring it in our lives.

As we accept, our knots are loosened. We become very pliable, having faith that whatever the Scriptures say can be performed, and that we can do it. We accept that the Shastras are of a much higher intellectual state than ours, where superimpositions cannot act as impediments. There must be a desire to achieve yog, after which we can really imbibe and become that. That purity and strength of purpose is necessary.

Two different paths – our choice

Spiritual knowledge can be either an aspiration or a way of escape. If we are inspired by such a state, we sing the praises of the Divine people and the Prophets, rejoicing in them and wanting to serve them. Our attitude would be, ‘I may not be that, but how beautiful and magnificent!’ We find a beatitude, an absolute loveliness which pulls us towards them, but in all humility, because, ‘I am not that’.

One is fascinated, and another listens to his ego, “this knowledge can stand me in good stead tomorrow when I have to talk to people.”

One only wants to use the truth for his personal establishment, whilst the other is inspired by it.

One thinks his intellect is superior because he has gained knowledge, but his egoistic tendencies destroy this knowledge for him. The other sees beauty and divinity in the devotees. “How lovely these qualities are! Now I understand how they can behave in this beautiful manner which I have always admired, but I did not know the base of it.”

Abiding in the Self means the world as such is accepted as a transitional phase. It is like a movie on the screen; we see it, but it has no influence on us. In reality, there is not so much a restraint, but transcendence; we are uninfluenced, untouched by whatever happens. Things are happening but we abide in the Self, our name and form in relation to the world forgotten.

Then there is no personal establishment, because mind and body, name and form have no meaning for us. Any fame, or any credits or discredits to our name do not matter to us. Whatever we get, we are satisfied (drishta labh santushta).

Seeking the Truth, and grace of the ego

We seek the Truth (sadhak vritti), when we realise the difference between Real and unreal. There is an attitude of renunciation, deep concentration, with absolute yearning to know the Truth. We have grace of the ego (ahum kripa) when the mental reactions loosen their hold, and cease to project our thoughts in the world. They covered up the Self to such an extent that we believed we are the mind, the thoughts, and whatever we want and don’t want, identifying with worldly objects and calling them ‘mine’.

When we go inwards, we seemingly withdraw from the world, but the withdrawal is merely of our mindstuff. The world loses its utility, because mind was doing everything for our name and form, and to please our sense organs. Now when things lose their significance, it no longer goes out. In fact they become meaningless because the mind is withdrawn. In reality, the mind is purified, as it goes towards the Self without even thinking about it. We need no support from the world when we are no longer interested in the impressions, we are concerned with something beyond ideas, concepts and beliefs.

Our ultimate destination is the Self

In our own lives, if we really look back, we can see there was something that was a knowing element which ever remains young, which is still as pure and knowing as it was when we were children. Even when we become old it remains as young as ever. Elderly people do not consider themselves as old. They are reminded by other people who treat them as old, but they themselves forget their age. Young people forget they are young. Children forget they are children. There is one element in everyone which makes them forget the limitations of the body. It makes them forget even deformities, sickness, disabilities, or anything they have. That one light, which stays the same throughout, can be compared with a Witness. That is what we really are, not the ever changing phenomena of the mind, body, and intellect unit.

Our physical selves are merely a process, growing, experiencing, and with the experiences reflecting, forming impressions, ideas, concepts and complexes. We are joyful or sad, and mindful of situations. Those are the things that are the superimpositions. Yet there remains something within us which is always the same. That is our true Self.

When we go in search of the Truth, moodiness, self-pity, anger or deep desires, greed, and harsh thoughts and jealous behaviour, all disappear. These traits become impediments only when our desired goal is something outside. When it is within, what will greed do? What will pride do? How will we become rude? What will our moods do? They will not come in our way. Then our opinions and conclusions, ideas and concepts cannot take us away from the Self.

If we had stayed at the level of that awareness which was the first light of consciousness, we would have been a witness of everything, without being superimposed by the phenomenal world, including our name and form. That is where we have to go. There is going to be no change anywhere else. The basic instrinsic ‘I’ will be a computer eye, the basic eye of awareness, without any thought, without being influenced by any situation or outside agency.

Coming Home to our True Selves

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