The method which turns tears into smiles
Manju
Ma says ‘ “If you want to do Sadhana, then first learn to laugh at yourself.” Laughter and humour are her methods for Sadhana.
I came to Ma as a completely broken, negative personality. I had no conception of right or wrong and my behaviour was completely superficial. I could see no one but myself and I was full of self justifications. My marriage was breaking and I only wanted Ma to patch it up and to send me back.
It was on Urvashi Day, 1968 that I first went to Madhuban and met Ma. There was a big dinner party going on and the atmosphere was gay and filled with laughter. After a while Ma came out of her room humming and whistling. I was very surprised. Anyway, I stood up to greet her and the first thing she said to me was “Hey! You give me a complex, I feel like a Tom Thumb in front of you”. (I am 5’ 7”). Her eyes twinkled with merriment and we all started laughing. Immediately I felt welcomed. I was filled with gratitude to my dear uncle and aunt, Col. and Mrs. Dayal – for having taken me to One like Ma – what more could they have ever given me?
The next morning I met Ma alone for the first time – and I was filled with love, respect and admiration for her. When I told her my story I cleverly put all the blame on my husband and mother-in-law but it took Ma only a moment to put me in my proper place. She said something like: “Manju, I don’t feel sorry for you – I feel sorry for your husband”. I was shocked! It was like a splash of cold water on my face. But after the initial shock, it was very refreshing. Her words were blunt, but yet there was no sting in them – the love that I saw in her eyes told me that she would really help me.
I told Ma that I only wanted to go back to my husband, so the first thing she did was to introduce me to my lacunae and negative traits – simultaneously she told me all the positive aspects of my husband and mother-in-law. Why not vice versa? Today I understand. It was not all my fault, but Ma deals only with the person present, and she will definitely tell him his faults, but Ma will never speak against a person who is not present albeit she may praise him. In this way however, Ma taught me to love and respect them. She washed away my grudges. The relationship between my husband, my mother in law and I started to improve eventually, but then a very unfortunate thing happened. My family did not support Ma; instead they supported my negativity. They blamed the other party. Where Ma was trying to convince me that I was wrong, they started saying I was right. This was all I needed, this was easy for me to accept. As a result, our marriage ended in a divorce. In my limited experience of the world, I have seen this story repeated in numerous families. It is the family that ruins its children by supporting their negative traits. When it is the child vis a vis the world, they support the child; and when it is the child vis a vis them, they throw him out. It is therefore, the family that really creates the disintegrated, perverted personalities. That is why when Ma takes up an individual, it becomes an uphill task for her, because of the family;
Ma is fundamentally against divorce, yet people, even to me, have insinuated that she wanted our divorce. Ma, however does not bother about what the world may say, she deals with the individual alone. Under no condition does Ma even take a decision for anyone; she only advises. To her advice also she adds – “I may be giving you a maxim; after all, this is not your conclusion, it is mine”. From this one can see the absolute freedom that She gives to an individual. She seems allergic to the word “obedience”. Never will She give us an instruction –She says, “either accept what I say intellectually, or do not accept it at all”. She makes us independent of herself. In this way she says we will increase our intellectual acumen so that tomorrow we will be able to do better deeds on our own strength. The difference between the ‘freedom’ of the West and the ‘freedom’ that Ma gives is that her freedom is backed by love – we are completely secure in her. In the West, it is freedom without security; therefore, the individual is easily misled.
Ma’s unique method has changed my basic point of view. Her method is practical and she explains our negative traits in detail only after she has given us practical proof of them. For this purpose, she built a dairy for me, completely at her own expense and with it I got freedom, – also at her expense. The dairy incurred losses, but never once did Ma threaten to throw me out. She let me carry on like this for three years. In this time what all did I gain? The dairy absorbed me so completely that I got no time to fret about the past. It gave me security, self confidence, respect and a sense of belonging to the family at Madhuban. It taught me introspection and I became fully conscious of my negative traits.
Only in the beginning did I feel really attached to Ma. After I started getting importance from everyone else, I started ignoring Ma completely. The credit was actually Ma’s and I did not want to give it to her, so I disobeyed her, I was rude, and I would side with anyone who was against her. I was Ingratitude personified. I was cutting the very branch that I was sitting on, but even then when I fell, it was on the net of compassion that Ma had spread out for me. If I had behaved like this with anyone else, I would have been on the road. Ma’s forgiveness and compassion are beyond words. I ruined her in every way I could but Ma still loves me, the same as when I first met her. Today I feel I am getting closer and closer to her. The more I am with her, the more I want to know her.
The one thing Ma emphasizes is that the only thing that should be changed is our attitude. No matter what our situations be, we should take them with a smile and learn from them. We can blame no one and no situation for making us unhappy. She says “it’s only your mind that does this – learn to laugh at it and you can laugh at everything in life! This is the method which changes tears into smiles”, and I consider myself extremely fortunate, for being introduced to such a method.
