Ma’s Prasad
Mrs. Usha Seth
Before meeting “Ma” I was a bundle of emotions. Imaginary grievances flooded my mind with their depression and sorrow. I felt unhappy without knowing the reason. I considered myself a very sensitive person and did not know how to overcome this super-sensitive temperament. On the slightest pretext I was deeply hurt and went back to my shell. I wept like a spoilt child, who always wants his way, who longs to be noticed and loved. I thirst for love. And love she did shower, with its golden hue. The “Great Mother”, she kissed my face and carried me to a different world, far from my own ugly one. I drank of the great love, from the beauty of her eyes. I basked in her love like a little child. She was compassion, she was joy and her touch was soothing like a balm.
One day she held my hand in her strong grip and said “If you keep on receiving love and never give out, you become a very selfish and egoistic person. This attitude will not lead to happiness. It is better to love, rather than be loved. It is better to serve rather than be served. It is better to forgive, rather than be forgiven”. “Go”, she said and “merge yourself in the needs of others. Clinging to me won’t help you. Go in the world and give this love, which you have experienced to other thirsty hearts. Don’t try to find out what you want, but try to find out what the others want. Love is complete identification with the other. Just love; give and forget.”
It was the most beautiful present she gave me. All conflicts ceased and a queer joy overcame me. I had never realized that it was so beautiful to love, in this new light. We, as children, were taught to receive love. That is why the attention was always centred around our puny selves. Ma taught me expansion. She told me to fall deeply in love with many people, before I went back to her. “Go and spread this happiness and love around. Give, give, give, that is Puja”. I understood what she was saying.
Only receiving love from ‘Ma’ is selfishness. It makes a parasite out of you. It is beautiful to cling to her and rest in her lap and imagine that you love her deeply. I tried to break away from this selfishness because I had only received and received. But the clinging was too tempting. The breaking away and giving to the world what I had received from her was difficult. But ‘Ma’ always talked of spreading happiness. She made me realize that in loving others, I was still loving her.
I found a queer change coming over me. I realize that it was beautiful to love others. It was a new world I moved in. My mind became more balanced because ‘Ma’ had sucked away the poison of my emotions. “Emotions receive, intellect gives”. She had taught me to give. The brain was no more loaded with sickening trifles. Grievances against the world ceased. The heart did not say, “touch me not”. The super-sensitivity fell off. I tried to reason and understand. I started writing a Diary, where I noted down my weaknesses. I now realized that I was not the same person, as I had imagined myself to be. The revelation was painful, almost heart breaking. But I faced it bravely. ‘Ma’ had taught me to smile. She had taught me to accept myself and others. Seeing so many weaknesses in myself, other people’s weaknesses did not shock me anymore. In short, ‘Ma’ taught me acceptance. My life became a dream of love, where happiness was my birthright and peace reigned.
